Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Sometimes I Need to Stop and Ask WHY?!

I've been struggling with something lately. I've been on more of a quest lately to be happy with myself, and my body and be comfortable with how I look. I have absolutely no one in my life that ever tells me I don't look great. Other than my brother. He doesn't count though. 
I know that the scale doesn't matter, but I still hop on about once a week just to see where I'm at. My body seems to like the range that I'm in now, fluctuating about 1-2 pounds either way, regardless if I've been good or I've had one or two too many cookies. I've been lighter than where I am, but I've also been WAY heavier than I am now. What does it matter if I'm not at my race weight from when I was training two hours a day? I can pick up really heavy things now. And then put them back down. Repeatedly. 
I feel like this post is going to go all over the place, my mind has been in shambles for a number of reasons lately. Here's a picture. Pictures make posts easier to read.

This was after the 5 day detox. I was super  strict for 5 days, and my abs came out to play a little bit. Was that cool? Sure. Did they go back into hiding again? Yeah. Do I look THAT different? Not really. If my abs were the only thing I got out of the detox (which is wasn't - I felt great overall), would it have been worth it? No.

Okay. Back to it. Lee pointed out the other night that golden oreos don't have any dairy in them. Gross? Yep. Did I eat one? You bet. Did I love it? Yep. Did I feel bad? Nope. 

So here's what I'm getting at. I look good. I'm not a fitness model. I don't want to be a fitness model. I wear clothes most of the day. Why am I so obsessed with the idea of leaning out? What am I going to do with that once I am lean? Be super strict all the time and get a food complex again? What's the point? Will I be any happier? Here's some truths:

1. I love the gym. 
2. I love food. All food. Except dairy. Dairy is the devil.
3. I feel good when I eat good food. 
4. Unless I eat half my weight in junk food, I normally feel fine after a small treat. 
5. Leaning out takes a LOT of dedication.  
6. Lee honestly does not notice ever that I look any different. He thinks I'm perfect no matter what. No one else matters.

So here's my new mindset:
1. Keep lifting heavy things. 
2. Start running again. Weekly. I'm a runner at heart and there's no sense depriving myself of that. 
3.  Therefore, balance the gym and the road. 
4. Continue to eat healthy things. 
5. Don't stress about treats. If I want to eat a cookie a day, I think I'll probably do just that. 
6. Therefore, balance my food.
7. BE HAPPY with who I am and ENJOY everything I eat and do. 

I feel like if I were to spend a bunch of effort trying to lean out, and then belean for a bit, I'm just going to get mad when I'm not lean anymore. For me, it's not maintainable or realistic. I don't want food to rule my life. Eating clean is so good for you and so healthy, but I don't think you need to be 100% clean to be healthy or happy. I know processed foods aren't good for me, but they're not going to ruin my otherwise healthy lifestyle every once in a while. I sometimes forget that I do what I do because I want to be healthy and not just because I want to look good. I need to be mentally happy as well, right?

Two more points:

1. This is what my stomach looks like on a normal day. WHY WASN'T THIS GOOD ENOUGH? It is now.
2. If all else fails, I know I have a good bum.

I also want to direct you to two posts:

1. From Peace, Love and Oats: Eat the Pizza. I LOVE this blog. You should too. One of my favourite posts from Katie. 

2. From #StrongNotSkinny, just read her whole blog. I've always thought that fitness modelling is crazy and unhealthy because of the food cycling and restriction before a show, but Taylor rocks and she has a lot of advice. She's VERY real and honest too, so just check it out. 

What are your thoughts on leaning out? 
Have you ever struggled with an unhealthy relationship with food?  


  1. You are too sweet! Thank you!! And I would kill for your stomach, so love it and love YOU!

  2. SOOOO my first thought i was going to say in my comment BEFORE seeing what sweet words you had about myself and my blog were:

    um YOU look AMAZING!!!!! but it's totally 110% human to feel down on yourself sometimes. everybody's body is enginered so differently and it's hard not to want it to work "perfectly". but that is what makes someone unique! the good thing about having a few 'down' moments on yourself, is once you're out of them you look back and think "jeez, that was really silly of me. i COULD look a whole different way, but i don't so i'm so thankful". you clearly have the right mindset girl, keep doing YOU and enjoying life. don't think about it all too much. YOU ROCK!!!

    ok then once i read the sweet words you said about me and my blog my comment was going to be..

    no different! because YOU ROCK!!! xoxo

    1. which TOTALLY reminds me: i need to do a post on how dieting in a 'fitness competition world' really doesn't have to be the way others view it. it CAN be done healthy! thank YOU for inspiring me on that!

    2. You're the best, thank you!!
      I did have terrible views on fitness competitions, and when I was following you on IG and you said you were doing one my initial reaction was "Noooooo!!!!!". But then like 3 days later you posted something like a mug cake at 9pm and I smiled and laughed. And then you won and I was even happier and more impressed. Keep it up, break some more stereotypes! xoxo

    3. oh god i STILL have terrible views on fitness competitions and what people do to their bodies to get to that stage is sometimes unbelievable! i'm definitely out to make it known that you CAN have a "show ready body" year round without all that starving bullcrap. (ok rant over lol) and so glad you held in a little 'faith' for me, and learned that this girl cannot go without goood food every day! ;-)

      keep up the awesome work woman! xoxo